Mark Rain asked: I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago and I feel lonely, sad, and a part of me regrets ending it, for not giving her more of a chance. We were together for 3 months and she really seemed to love me and I cared a lot for her too. But, I broke it off. Here are a few things to know about the ex.
1. History of drug and alcohol abuse. Did meth for a few years and admits to having an alcohol problem (was in AA for a while but quit years ago). Currently doesn’t do the hard drugs, but is addicted to weed. She smokes every day, multiple times per day, and is rather irritable when she hasn’t smoked. She is currently not in any sort of recovery, and doesn’t see any of her substance use as a problem (she lost a good job due to a failed drug test a year ago, got a DUI and now has a breathalyzer but STILL tries to drink and drive at times). The more I was with her the more frustrating it was as she was frequently stoned and often times didn’t remember previous conversations we had. The biggest thing here of note – she is in complete denial, does not think her substance use affects her in any way shape or form, and has no interest in quitting any of this. I asked quite a few times.
2. Still lives with parents at age 27 and has no motivation to live on her own. As I said, she lost a good job because of her pot usage and now is just a waitress, so she struggles financially a lot. Oh yeah, she lives with her mom who she has been smoking weed with since age 14.
3. At the age of 27, when asked how many guys she has slept with, the answer was “at least 100, easily.” She also watches **** by herself on almost a daily basis, so perhaps also a *** addict? She admits to being both molested and ***** in her life. She is definitely NOT very emotional during *** and doesn’t even like foreplay really. I didn’t like this.
4. Told me one night when drunk that she is basically looking for a guy to take care of her.
5. Cheated on previous husband (which caused a divorce) and a previous boyfriend. Blames one on drugs and the other on her unhappy marriage. Originally stated when dating that she would “never hurt someone like that again.” But very recently when asked if she would ever cheat under any circumstance she said “well, you can never say 100%, it depends on the situation, we’re all human.”
6. Fairly uncaring and unthoughtful of me and others. Wants to be pampered and treated well but doesn’t seem to think much about other’s feelings. Fairly cold and unfriendly to strangers and people in general. With me, kind of uncaring also. When I was sick one time, didn’t seem to care at all or show any interest in how I was feeling. When I had a hard day at work one day (I almost never have a “bad” day) , didn’t even ask about it or seem to care one bit.
7. Selfish and self-centered. Many things were her way and that’s how it is, with me and with her friends. Not all things, but a lot of things. Very takey. One example of what I mean – loved getting massages and special physical attention, but would very rarely give anything in return (and I don’t just mean sexual, although that is included as well.)
8. Complains a lot, picky eater. Mood swings – definitely very inconsistent with her mood.
9. Not a good communicator – which is something I work hard on doing. Said she liked how I communicated and didn’t stuff things, but said “you will always have to pull things out of me, I don’t usually talk.” I asked if she could work on improving that and she basically said no, I’ll just have to pull stuff out of her.
She talked a lot to me about how I’m the best man she has ever been with and how happy I made her. She definitely pushed the relationship at a fast pace – never has a woman seemed so into me so fast (which I admit I liked). Hell, she’s the one who asked me to be exlcusive, after 3 weeks, then started talking about wanting to have kids and get married someday (this started after about a month). I was surprised hearing that sort of thing after just a short time, but I did treat her very well and she apparently had never been treated like that before (according to her). I got attached to those dreamy ideas, I admit. She could also be very affectionate and sweet, which I got attached to (I also admit that was much less after a couple months). Also very cute and silly, which I loved. But, I did the right thing to end it I believe yes? My gut felt it was the best thing to do, but it helps to get support. I’m sure reading that list might make one wonder what I was thinking? Well, inside I could see an amazing person and I saw glimpses of that person in action here and there. That’s who I fell for and have a hard time letting go of.
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